How to Fight Presidents

How to Fight Presidents Author Daniel O'Brien
ISBN-10 9780385347587
Year 2014-03-18
Pages 272
Language en
Publisher Three Rivers Press
DOWNLOAD NOW READ ONLINE

Make no mistake: Our founding fathers were more bandanas-and-muscles than powdered-wigs-and-tea. As a prisoner of war, Andrew Jackson walked several miles barefoot across state lines while suffering from smallpox and a serious head wound received when he refused to polish the boots of the soldiers who had taken him captive. He was thirteen years old. A few decades later, he became the first popularly elected president and served the nation, pausing briefly only to beat a would-be assassin with a cane to within an inch of his life. Theodore Roosevelt had asthma, was blind in one eye, survived multiple gunshot wounds, had only one regret (that there were no wars to fight under his presidency), and was the first U.S. president to win the Medal of Honor, which he did after he died. Faced with the choice, George Washington actually preferred the sound of bullets whizzing by his head in battle over the sound of silence. And now these men—these hallowed leaders of the free world—want to kick your ass. Plenty of historians can tell you which president had the most effective economic strategies, and which president helped shape our current political parties, but can any of them tell you what to do if you encounter Chester A. Arthur in a bare-knuckled boxing fight? This book will teach you how to be better, stronger, faster, and more deadly than the most powerful (and craziest) men in history. You’re welcome.

The De Textbook

The De Textbook Author Cracked.com,
ISBN-10 9780698161528
Year 2013-10-29
Pages 224
Language en
Publisher Penguin
DOWNLOAD NOW READ ONLINE

You are an idiot. Don't get defensive! It's not your fault. For decades your teachers, authority figures and textbooks have been lying to you. You do not have five senses. Your tongue doesn't have neatly segregated taste-bud zones. You don't know what the pyramids really looked like. You're even pooping wrong - Jesus, you're a wreck! But it's going to be okay. Because we're here to help. Packed with more sexy facts than the Encyclopedia Pornographica, the Cracked De-Textbook will teach you about the true stars of history, why you picture everything from Velociraptors to Ancient Rome incorrectly, and finally, at long last - how to pop a proper squat. This book was built from the ground up to systematically seek out, dismantle and destroy the many untruths that years of misguided education have left festering inside of you, and leave you a smarter person...whether you like it or not. The De-Textbook is a merciless, brutal learning machine. It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are informed.

Your Presidential Fantasy Dream Team

Your Presidential Fantasy Dream Team Author Daniel O'Brien
ISBN-10 9780553537499
Year 2016-06-28
Pages 272
Language en
Publisher Crown Books for Young Readers
DOWNLOAD NOW READ ONLINE

Draft your own presidential fantasy team, based on these hilarious-but-true profiles of our past leaders, in this fun and funny illustrated book perfect for fans of How They Croaked: The Awful Ends of the Awfully Famous and Kid Presidents! What if a zombie apocalypse or a robot uprising threatened the nation and you had the power to recruit some of the nation’s finest presidents to help save the day? By studying the most successful squads in history, Daniel O’Brien has identified the perfect ingredients for a victorious team. Which president would you choose for: the Brain, the Brawn, the Moral Compass, the Loose Cannon, and the Roosevelt? Choose wisely—the fate of the world is in your hands! "Aiming squarely at a sports-obsessed, statistics-mad and gross-out friendly audience, the madcap, utterly irreverent Your Presidential Fantasy Dream Team may be on to something." —New York Times "O'Brien takes a non-holds-barred approach to describing each man's strengths, weaknesses, and reputation . . . Rowntree's over-the-top illustrations picture ratchet up the humor even more." —PW "A warts-and-all look at two centuries of presidential leadership and politics." —Kirkus Reviews

Everything Is Going to Kill Everybody

Everything Is Going to Kill Everybody Author Robert Brockway
ISBN-10 9780307464354
Year 2010-04-06
Pages 288
Language en
Publisher Three Rivers Press
DOWNLOAD NOW READ ONLINE

Just when you thought you’d accepted your own mortality . . . Everything Is Going to Kill Everybody is bringing panic back. Twenty illustrated, hilariously fear-inducing essays reveal the chilling and very real experiments, dangerous emerging technologies, and terrifying natural disasters that soon could—or very nearly already did—bring about the end of humanity. In short, everything in here will kill you and everyone you love. At any moment. And nobody’s told you about it—until now: • Experiments in green energy like the HiPER, which uses massive lasers to create a tiny “contained” sun; it’s an idea that could save the world if it doesn’t consume us all in a fiery fusion reaction first. • Global disasters like the hypercane—a hurricane so large it could cover all of North America and shoot trailer parks into space! • Terrifying new developments in robotics like the EATR, which powers itself on meat—an invention in the running for “Worst Decision Made by Anybody.” From the Trade Paperback edition.

A Brief History of Vice

A Brief History of Vice Author Robert Evans
ISBN-10 9780698407039
Year 2016-08-09
Pages 272
Language en
Publisher Penguin
DOWNLOAD NOW READ ONLINE

"Mixing science, humor, and grossly irresponsible self-experimentation, Evans paints a vivid picture of how bad habits built the world we know and love." —David Wong, author of John Dies at the End History has never been more fun—or more intoxicating. Guns, germs, and steel might have transformed us from hunter-gatherers into modern man, but booze, sex, trash talk, and tripping built our civilization. Cracked editor Robert Evans brings his signature dogged research and lively insight to uncover the many and magnificent ways vice has influenced history, from the prostitute-turned-empress who scored a major victory for women’s rights to the beer that helped create—and destroy—South America's first empire. And Evans goes deeper than simply writing about ancient debauchery; he recreates some of history's most enjoyable (and most painful) vices and includes guides so you can follow along at home. You’ll learn how to: • Trip like a Greek philosopher. • Rave like your Stone Age ancestors. • Get drunk like a Sumerian. • Smoke a nose pipe like a pre–Columbian Native American. A celebration of the brave, drunken pioneers who built our civilization one seemingly bad decision at a time, A Brief History of Vice explores a side of the past that mainstream history books prefer to hide. From the Trade Paperback edition.

The Great Abraham Lincoln Pocket Watch Conspiracy

The Great Abraham Lincoln Pocket Watch Conspiracy Author Jacopo della Quercia
ISBN-10 9781250025722
Year 2014-08-05
Pages 400
Language en
Publisher St. Martin's Griffin
DOWNLOAD NOW READ ONLINE

This historical thriller is an equal-parts cocktail of action, adventure, science-fiction and comedy. The book follows a globe-trotting President Taft and Robert Todd Lincoln in a race to solve a mystery stretching back to the Civil War and the Lincoln assassination. Based on true events, readers will find themselves swept into a vast conspiracy spanning four continents and three oceans during the turn of the century. Fascinating technologies will be harnessed, dark secrets revealed, true villains exposed, and some of the most famous figures in history will take the stage. With surprises lurking around every corner, and a vast cast of characters to root for, Jacopo della Quercia's The Great Abraham Lincoln Pocket Watch Conspiracy is a heart-pounding adventure that only history could have made possible.

License to Quill

License to Quill Author Jacopo della Quercia
ISBN-10 9781466865037
Year 2015-12-15
Pages 320
Language en
Publisher St. Martin's Griffin
DOWNLOAD NOW READ ONLINE

License to Quill is a page-turning James Bond-esque spy thriller starring William Shakespeare and Christopher Marlowe during history's real life Gunpowder Plot. The story follows the fascinating golden age of English espionage, the tumultuous cold war gripping post-Reformation Europe, the cloak-and-dagger politics of Shakespeare's England, and lastly, the mysterious origins of the Bard's most haunting play: Macbeth. You won't want to miss this fast-paced historical retelling!

Crazy Sh t Presidents Said

Crazy Sh t Presidents Said Author Robert Schnakenberg
ISBN-10 9780762444533
Year 2012-05-01
Pages 256
Language en
Publisher Running Press
DOWNLOAD NOW READ ONLINE

Presents over one thousand humorous and perplexing quotations from all of the U.S.'s presidents on such topics as ambition, marriage, Italians, and hip-hop.

Slinging Mud

Slinging Mud Author Rosemarie Ostler
ISBN-10 9781101544136
Year 2011-09-06
Pages 240
Language en
Publisher Penguin
DOWNLOAD NOW READ ONLINE

Two Centuries of Scandalous Rumors, Over-the-Top Insults, and Low-Down Slurs. We bemoan the loss of civility in public discourse these days, but mudslinging is an American tradition as old as the republic. Not everyone admired the Father of Our Country. President Washington's enemies called him a cheapskate, a hyena, a horse beater, a spoiled child, and a tyrannical monster, among other epithets. "You are utterly incapable to steer the political ship," wrote one outraged critic. And so it has gone ever since. From the King Mob label denigrating Andrew Jackson to the wingnut and latte liberal tags of the past few years, every era has its share of politically motivated insults. Slinging Mud gathers memorable words and expressions from two centuries' worth of going negative.

The United States of Absurdity

The United States of Absurdity Author Dave Anthony
ISBN-10 9780399578762
Year 2017-05-09
Pages 144
Language en
Publisher Ten Speed Press
DOWNLOAD NOW READ ONLINE

The creators of the podcast The Dollop present illustrated profiles of the weird, outrageous, NSFW, and downright absurd tales from American history that you weren't taught in school. The United States of Absurdity presents short, informative, and hilarious stories of the most outlandish (but true) people, events, and more from United States history. Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds cover the weird stories you didn't learn in history class, such as 10-Cent Beer Night, the Jackson Cheese, and the Kentucky Meat Shower, accompanied by full-page illustrations that bring each historical "milestone" to life in full-color.

Finding Jesus

Finding Jesus Author Winston Rowntree
ISBN-10 9780553418019
Year 2014-10-28
Pages 40
Language en
Publisher Crown/Archetype
DOWNLOAD NOW READ ONLINE

On each page of Finding Jesus, the Son of God is hidden in a crowded scene--from a rock concert to a wedding to a grocery store. The objective for the reader is to "find Jesus" in the detailed illustrations--and it's not always easy, what with Jesus's propensity for walking on water and turning the other cheek! Darkly funny and pleasantly challenging, this interactive children's book for adults makes the perfect gift for believers and skeptics alike.

The Next Notre Dame Mascot

The Next Notre Dame Mascot Author Glenn Davis
ISBN-10 163177056X
Year 2015-08-04
Pages
Language en
Publisher Mascot Books
DOWNLOAD NOW READ ONLINE

"Mascot Mike does flips and rallies the fans to cheer on his Notre Dame Football team. Mike knows it's time ot retire. Who is going to be the new mascot? An ogre? A clown? Maybe a superhero? Find out who gets to be the next Notre Dame mascot!" -- page [4] of cover.

White Waters and Black

White Waters and Black Author Gordon MacCreagh
ISBN-10 0226500187
Year 2001-03-01
Pages 335
Language en
Publisher University of Chicago Press
DOWNLOAD NOW READ ONLINE

With a wicked eye for absurdities, Gordon MacCreagh recounts his adventures with eight "Eminent Scientificos" as they set out to explore the Amazon in 1923 without any idea of what lies ahead of them: rapids, malaria, monkey stew, and "dangerous savages." A combination of Twain's The Innocents Abroad and a cautionary tale for explorers, this is one of the most honest accounts ever written of a scientific expedition.

You Might Be a Zombie and Other Bad News

You Might Be a Zombie and Other Bad News Author Cracked.com
ISBN-10 9781101478158
Year 2010-12-28
Pages 320
Language en
Publisher Penguin
DOWNLOAD NOW READ ONLINE

From the most-read humor site on the internet, Cracked.com YOU MIGHT BE A ZOMBIE… You're going to wish you never picked up this book. Some facts are too terrifying to teach in school. Unfortunately, Cracked.com is more than happy to fill you in: * A zombie apocalypse? It could happen. 50% of humans are infected with a parasite that can take over your brain. * The FDA wouldn't let you eat bugs, right? Actually, you might want to put down those jelly beans. And that apple. And that strawberry yogurt. * Think dolphins are our friends? Then these sex-crazed thrill killers of the sea have you right where they want you. * The most important discovery in the history of genetics? Francis Crick came up with it while on LSD. * Think you're going to choose whether or not to buy this book? Scientists say your brain secretly makes all your decisions 10 seconds before you even know what they are. If you’re a fan of The Oatmeal or Frak.com and hate being wrong about stuff, you’ll love what you find in YOU MIGHT BE A ZOMBIE from the twisted minds at Cracked.

Badass The Birth of a Legend

Badass  The Birth of a Legend Author Ben Thompson
ISBN-10 9780062074942
Year 2011-03-15
Pages 384
Language en
Publisher Harper Collins
DOWNLOAD NOW READ ONLINE

Ben Thompson—author of Badass, creator of the epic website badassoftheweek.com, and the Internet’s foremost expert on badassitude—is back to enthrall lovers of skull-smashing, bone-crushing bad behavior with his latest compendium, Badass: The Birth of a Legend. Like its macho predecessor, Badass: The Birth of a Legend celebrates fearless berserkers of every stripe, male and female, but this time pulls them from the hoary pages of mythology, fantasy fiction, and the silver screen—from Zeus to Beowulf to Dirty Harry Callahan, the most merciless gods, monsters, heroes, villains, and mythical creatures ever envisioned. Forget your whiny Twilight vampires and werewolves, these badasses kick butt!